How to deal
I think once is enough for anyone to feel qualified in giving advice on how to deal with heartache/break. Someone who shares my home seems to be going through it right now so I have been letting my mind wander back a number of years and drawing on that one time, wanting to vocalise what I found helped me mend...but I quickly remembered how much unsolicited advice doesn't help so where better to indulge myself than right here, a self published archive of my life.
I will try and keep it simple.
one. READ. But not just anything, and definitely no psychology or self help books. Read fiction...things that force you to escape the present. Something like; Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - fast paced, addictive, hard assed and (hopefully) pretty removed from the realities of your life.
two. CRY a little. But not too much. Don't stop yourself from partaking in such a beautiful, natural healing therapy but don't go and just swim in sadness with the excuse of catharsis at the ready as a defence. It's a fine balance.
three. WAKE to watch the sunrise. It gets you out of bed. There's something more than metaphorical about watching a new day arrive right before your eyes. It's magic. Weeping may endure the night, but joy comes in the morning.
four. BE alone. Try and enjoy it. Introverts - this is much easier for us. I thrived on finding I could sit and collage and read blogs and stare at the ocean and walk and potter around my room and sort through old photos and go to op-shops whenever I wanted, for however long I wanted with absolutely no regard for anyone or anything else around me. It's funny how the absence of one person can makes you feel like you are absent from any/all social commitments whatsoever.
five. REMEMBER your dreams. I believe things don't work out when at the end of the day (or month or year or decade) your deepest, inmost, core values and needs aren't aligning with the person you were with. Which means you may have forgotten a few things about yourself along the way. Get back to that place where you remember you without the influence of another.
six. (re)ESTABLISH your ideas. On all the big things, spirituality was the major one for me. It ended up being the anchor for everything else. Educate yourself, read, research but also listen for the things that cannot be put into words.
seven. GO out with your friends. You may want to lock yourself in a cave at night. Don't. You also may want to go out and not come home. Also a big don't. Go out, have a drank, have fun, try dance even if it's just for a little bit. Be disappointed by the lack of quality men at bars, talk about it with all your other single girlfriends and pact to keep going out together but definitely not for the men.
eight. LOVE again, some day. Don't look for it. Sometimes (if you're a romantic) it's easy to forget there's more of a point to our existence than that intoxicating feeling of being 'in love'. Half the time the feelings a trap anyway so just get on with making your days and self happy.
And don't take other peoples advice.
Photos: Alison Scarpulla, Feaverish