I want to tell you a little about out about life before we have seen each other face to face, even though I know you have been with my with for the last 9 months.
Carrying you has been a joy. A treat, a delight. The things I do in the everyday feel that extra bit special whilst you are with me. When I walk down to the ocean and sit and stare I feel like I'm doing it for not just me but for us. When we sit alone at the cafe and take too long to drink a pot of tea and read a few pages of the paper and have avo toast. These quiet moments make me feel deeply content in the simplest way. When I swim slowly through the ocean I always think of you and wonder whether you can tell I'm swimming...whether you can detect my heart slowing as I take deep breaths and move calmly through the water - how much I love it and am trying to soak in and remember the feelings, the time, the place we are in.
There was one particular afternoon at Oak I remember. Despite having an ocean pool literally on our doorstep I knew I wanted to drive around to get to this spot. I'm so glad I did. I can still clearly see the last rays of sun sparkle through as I looked up and out from under the water. It was magical glitteryness and I was thinking of you, drinking it in barely comprehending how good life is! Then the other day at South - I was hesitant to get in as there was the slightest Autumn chill, but once I did I couldn't stop dipping under ..."one last time" I kept thinking. I kind of hate thinking of the last of things with you so close to me! For a second it feels almost tinged with sadness. But that's too nostalgic, we have a lifetime to swim together baby girl!
Then there's your Dad. He is my favourite thing on this earth, I adore him. We tell each other these things every day. I trust him and love him with everything I have within me and am so excited for us to grow together - you and the brothers and sisters we will hopefully give you. I often rest my tummy on him as we fall asleep together and he can feel you moving around. He thinks of you, prays for you and has cried with joy. He dreamt of you vividly the other night and when he woke up from the dream he was in a happy sleepy daze and so content he told me 5 times over how beautiful your smile was, he said it was just like mine.
I sense you having a strong spirit, a girl who deeply understands who she is...who isn't afraid to stand alone and be herself. I see you as a girl, then a woman, who lives out of freedom. Someone had a vision of you with flowers in your hair, I saw this in a field. You were alone but never lonely. You will always have people wanting to follow your path and you are so sure of your direction that it is no problem to have them follow. In fact it is a blessing as you are heading the right way, leading the others. You know your creator deeply and easily and you follow him with absolute freedom.
Back to you as my baby.
I have loved feeling your pointy little elbows and feet in my tummy. You roll and kick a lot but you have never once hurt me! My body has embraced you, I haven't been sick or uncomfortable - but I did take a lot of naps in the first months. It was amazing how work slowed down and allowed this to happen without a stress. I'd get on that couch right under the window that got the afternoon sun and sleep for as long as I felt like. What a luxury.
Gods blessing is ripe and rich in your life already.
You have been fiercely protected. We had a car accident in America on our way to the lake and it does sometimes make my heart race a little when I think of it. I can see how much God desires you on this earth. "From my mothers womb, you have chosen me...". Nothing but angels and His mighty hand held back that windscreen from touching us in that crash. The space that was protected was shaped perfectly for a mother holding a child! I didn't even have a single scratch below my chest. We went to the hospital to get checked but being in a small town meant that we couldn't get an ultrasound to check on you until the following day. There was a deep peace though that you were ok, and that night as we laid down to go to sleep I felt you move and we cried and cried. "No trauma for our girl" we prayed. We held each other and really got a sense of what was most important in life.
You've come on lots of jobs with me. Lately I've been working on some travel guides making trails all over Sydney. We've eaten some of the most amazing food (and wine...and maybe a spritz or two) this city has to offer. You never made it hard for me. I was proud how easily it was to continue to work in this job that I love right up until last week. Dad helped out at the end here. We could have managed on our own I guess - but when I love his company more than anything it is the perfect excuse to see and try new things together.
I had the feeling you'd come early, but today is your 'due date' and you're still feeling pretty comfy in there so my feelings were off!! I am happy to keep pottering around with you until you're ready girly girl but wow we are so excited to hold you. There is already so much love for you. I have people checking in most hours of the day, the anticipation of your arrival is pretty amazing.
You have a beautiful home to start life in. It's right by the ocean and we have been preparing it slowly but surely to see that it runs as smoothly as possible. You're gonna love it here.
Peace and glory are all over you my girl, I am so grateful.
Please come soon. Like today. or tomorrow. or the next.
I know I'll love you forever no matter what
Photos: Trish Chong of Tealily Photography at 36 weeks @ home in Cronulla.
Thank you beautiful lady, I truly couldn't have planned or imagined a better, easier time hanging out at home with someone having photos taken...in my undies at sunrise no less. You are so mightily talented with the camera in your hands and have a true gift that goes far beyond the photos you take...I'll treasure these.