for me

The year has begun and I am still not quite settled but I am most certainly trying. 
The whole fireworked up celebratory eve may come and go with little to no effect so can be easy to skim over, but I'm seeing and learning how important the cycle of a new year is to human endeavor (the broadest, most appropriate term I could think of, sorry). I think we need these markers. A chance to stop, reflect, reevaluate and go marching forward with fresh vigour and motivation. Heres what I've been thinking about:

1. Follow through. I think I've always been bad with this. I like to start projects and tire of them very easily. I get bored. I skim many surfaces. I absorb enough information to feign knowledge very quickly so can move on very quickly. I have new ideas that are better and fresher than my current unfinished one. I get restless. I find it almost physically impossible sometimes to stick with what I am doing. Around the house I am known to leave cupboard doors & drawers open, socks in the laundry basket when hanging the washing out and the last few dirty plates beside a full sink of hot water. 
Its normal for me to have 13 tabs open - a few with images waiting to be saved, emails to be completed and surely a few draft blog posts waiting for the attention they deserve.
I am known for not replying to text messages. 
So...I'm not looking to slow down my mind or stop it looking for the next thing but I  do need to make conscious efforts to finish things off. Starting with the everyday tasks which will naturally progress to the more path & life changing projects. 

2. Worry. When looking back on 2012 I realised a lot of my memory was jaded with worry. Usually money related. On the first of January my love was laying in bed with me as I came to this realisation and pointed out that I had made it until now paying for everything I need (and a lot more) and without my worry I still would have ended up at the same point but with a less furrowed brow and more joyful memories of my working weeks. 
So...this year I will not waste my energy worrying. I will focus, see work come and the finance will follow and I'll live to tell a greater tale come 2014. 

which brings me to...

3. Focus. I do a lot. I try to do a lot. I spent early mornings and late nights and weekends at my computer last year. I had up to 3 rather irregular part time jobs that I let take up all my 'free' hours to supplement my income from photography which was somewhat neglected probably because of said jobs. Going to work ended up being counterproductive. The time that I had 'off' was plagued with backlogs of unedited photos and guilt. I look back and see it's a vicious cycle.  I was never disconnected from what I wanted which was making me anxious, rather than driven, with each new day that I didn't achieve what I wanted. I am the type that feeds off positive energy & feedback and so with each moment of disappointment in myself I probably sunk a little further back. I mean, I wasn't miserable...and yes there were moments of true glory in what I just made sound like gloom but I guess I do just want a lot and can get a little impatient with the rate at which life moves!  So...I am streamlining my part time work to 1 job, 2 (and a half) days a week - what I need to pay rent & bills. The rest is for photos. I don't want to just take what photography jobs come, I am defining my vision and going after it. I will be committed to my dream and flexible to fit in with the unexpected ways in which life may present it. 
And one day selah - no computer or emails. A chance to rest and recharge.   

And with that I have come to my 9pm computer cut off time so I will have to share the rest with you at another appropriate time.

What do you want more or less of in 2013? 

I want to take at least one Arthur Elgort-esque, Claudia Schiffer at the lunch table in 'Roman Holiday' type photo. Actually - I just want to shoot a little more like Elgort as an all round rule. 
Will keep you posted. x 

1 comment:

  1. Oh sista i hear you on all accounts! That is the curse of falling in love with something creative, whether it be photography, painting, drawing, music, textiles, the list goes on - it is a time consuming, somewhat illogical, scary endeavor. But it is also something which is all rewarding and exhilarating. And it is also a love which seems to be not optional.

    The new year marks for me the nearing of a fine arts degree in which I am freaking the hell out about what I am actually going to do after and how I am going to make a living but also still have time to sew and dye and create. As a result I also have a million tabs open and a thousand post it notes reminding myself about job searching, intership hoping, bill paying, art making.

    Point being - you are not alone in the follow through/worry/focus, maybe it just goes hand in hand with the creative? Good luck :)



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